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Your Place in the Universe.

Posted on December 6, 2011 in Headline 2 Wise Words from Readers

Einstein said The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility.
I love that. The fact that we can understand this place at all is a mystery.

Our personal truths and understandings are not grounded in collective reality or in science.

Unless you are a realist, and then, you are no fun at parties.

I sat next to a realist at a conference a year ago.

He said I’d rather be somewhat sad and know the truth of reality than be happy and not know it.

So I kicked him and said, Truth hurts, doesn’t it?

I didn’t really kick him.

I just sat there and wondered if the measurement of reality makes something more true.

And is reality one thing? Or is it many things?

Is reality what we’ve agreed to?

I was talking with my friend, Jill, about reality. She said that she thinks reality is like a jar of gumballs. Nobody is going to be able to guess the exact number of gumballs, but collectively we will get very close.  If we average everybody’s gumball answer together, then we have reality.

Each person’s own measure of reality is off by a few gumballs. Some are off by many gumballs. Some are very close.

Each of us thinks we’re dead-on with the reality gumball prediction, though we seem to have little ability to compare our reality to THE REALITY.

We cannot count the gumballs.

So, as I said previously,

Our personal truths and understandings are not grounded in collective reality or in science.

For example, one of my personal truths is that it is hard for me to believe that I am not the center of the universe. I have a feeling that it’s hard for you to believe that you are not the center of the universe either.

We are stars in our own plays. We are bit players in the plays of nearly everyone else. And the universe is really big.

I drew some pictures to help us out.

You are not the center of the universe. Not even close.

What’s worse is that the brain trusts that came up with string theory say that our universe is just one of many. Math ( in which we can apparently all trust) says that there are an infinite number of alternate universes in other dimensions.

A version of you exists in some of them.

And in some of them, this version of you is experiencing a real-life version of the Schoolhouse Rock Interjections Song.

I digress.

Also, if you are not of a certain age, that last joke made no sense to you.

Really, I am just entertaining myself here.  One of my favorite people tells me that if I expect people to read my writing, I can’t just use my writing to entertain myself,  but then she doesn’t understand that I am the center of the universe.

Oh damn.

Not only are you not the center of the universe here, but you are not the center of the universe in nearly every other alternative universe.  Math says that in an infinite number of universes, there is a very good chance that you are dead center in one of them.  I can assure you that it is not this one.  Same for me, unfortunately.

Being a tiny, not-center of the universe is not a bad thing.

It’s kind of nice. The pressure is off. You can stop taking yourself so seriously now.  You can stop taking the pain of this time/space continuum so personally.

I find that when I remember that I am not the center of the universe, that I don’t mind letting people ahead of me in line at the grocery store.  I am also more patient with crying babies. My need for things is reduced too. Life feels simpler, more generous, and better.

If reality changes for one of us, and then that ripple changes for all of us, does the number of gumballs change? What is the sound of all of our boats rising?

Did reality just have a collective sigh of relief? My perception says YES!

PS- It’s my birthday.

PPS- On an entirely unrelated note, you should go shopping at Shop at the Bridge.


Chocolate Cake, Serial Killers and Telling People to Cheer Up

Posted on November 29, 2011 in Featured, Life-Shifting 6 Wise Words from Readers

Chocolate Cake, Sweet Revenge Patisserie appears courtesy of EvinDC via a creative commons license

I spent my childhood freaking out over things that I had no control over.

My older brother did not help.

When I was 10, Conrad told me that we are really just big bags of chemicals walking around. Instead of feelings, we have chemical reactions.  Feelings don’t exist.

I asked my very wise, zen dad and he said, Maybe that’s true.

I freaked out.

Later Conrad said, You know how I told you that we’re just big bags of chemicals?

Yeah? I asked.

At any moment, you could have a chemical reaction that could turn you into a serial killer.

How do I stop that?

Well, we get chemicals into our body through eating, he said. And we just don’t know what food causes people to snap. Scientists are trying to figure this out.

That night, I sat at the piano (where I was supposed to be practicing) and ate chocolate cake, and cried for my family, who might very well die because this cake could be the food that made me snap.  I was a forkful away from being the next Lizzie Borden.

This thought did not stop me from eating the cake.

Lizzie Borden, Alleged Killer and Possible Chocolate Cake Eater

The best lies are truths slightly twisted

It’s true. We are big bags of chemicals. About $1.50 worth.

We don’t completely control our feelings. There are chemicals involved. What we eat can change our brain chemistry.

There is not a food that will make you snap and turn you into a serial killer (not even high-fructose corn syrup).

Our feelings are governed by many things:

Chemicals yes (vitamin deficiencies, seratonin uptake, hormones, medicinal interactions) and also:
mind/body/spirit alignment,
the energetic body (your spirit, your chakra system),
our relationships,
the collective conscious,
and self-perception.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. And yet, the conventional wisdom is that we can change our feelings and attitudes with a snap of our fingers.

Ah! The twisted truth of an easily mutable attitude.

We tell people to snap out of it!

We tell people to think positive! It’s all about your outlook! Cheer up!

We tell people to let go and trust like it’s really easy.

Hey, I like to let go and trust. I like to relax in safety. I like to be loved by the universe and to feel positive.  I am not knocking that for a minute.

But if you’re not finding it easy, you are not alone.

Often when people rattle off a positive saying like, Everything works out for the best.

They are also saying – hey if you don’t feel that way, or if you’ve had something really bad happen to you that’s hard to get over or if you can’t believe that, well, I’m sorry, you’re not as spiritually mature as I am. Believe harder.

This attitude is not helpful. This belief is not true. Comparing ourselves to others, deciding who is winning at spirituality, is ridiculously, laughably wrong!

Telling people that somehow this thing that happened is their fault because they were not winning at spirituality is so ass backwards, I don’t even know where to start.

Spiritual superiority is bullshit. When I encounter people like this, I want to go eat chocolate cake by them. Just in case.

If your spirituality doesn’t naturally push you towards humility and empathy, take a closer look at the brochure.

Feelings are complicated. People are complicated.

We are in control of our lives rather like skiers are in control. To quote Buzz Lightyear, we’re falling with style.

If you are at a spiritual high point, that’s great.

I’d like to gently remind you that it’s not about the peak or the answer or your relative having-your-shit-together-more-than-other people.

I know, it can be a relief to be in the space that you’re in. Also, you don’t get to stay there.

Let’s stop thinking of spirituality as a destination and start remembering that its a verb.

To distill it down to three simple ideas:

Spirituality creates enough emotional space to meet your needs and to support the spiritual needs of others.

Spiritual practices on a day-to-day basis help you govern your emotions and increase your understanding.

Having a relationship with something greater than yourself keeps you connected, committed and engaged with life.

That’s it. Let’s do that.

And then let’s support each other by not dictating how people should feel, but acknowledging what they are feeling. Let’s offer a way through when the time is right and the trust and respect is there on both sides.


What is the gift of this? What am I learning?

Posted on November 16, 2011 in Life-Shifting 10 Wise Words from Readers

Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.- Pema Chodron

We have the prevailing belief that life is what you make it. Engaging with life is an act of co-creation, a dance even, and that what you put in, life returns with interest.

So, the question I ask, the question I am always asking is

What is this?

followed by:

How can I accept this with grace? And What am I supposed to learn from it? How did I cause this to happen? And is this a gift or did someone just poop in my hand?

Consider, if you will, these 2 stories:

A Rude Awakening

This morning my dog wakes me up at 5:30 am.
It is cold and rainy and dark and her business is urgent.I fail to put on my shoes. We go out onto the porch.

I step on something that is not a leaf.It is room temperature.I am barefoot.

Dog rethinks empty bladder vs. warm bed equation. Dog considers doing business on the porch. Dog is persuaded to do business under the rhododendron tree.

I wonder what I stepped on. It is not a leaf.

It is still raining on me. I turn on the porch light.

I have stepped on a fresh dead mouse.

I freak out.

In ensuing freak out, part of me takes comfort in the fact that the mouse looks intact. He looks like he is reaching towards me. There is no apparent goo.

I take a hot bath to remove the dead mouse from my foot. I realize that the steam of my bath has created the perfect hanta virus vapor.

I freak out.

In ensuing freak out, I wonder if hanta virus is the one where I will bleed profusely out my nose. I worry about the mattress, should this hanta virus be the one where I bleed out my nose.

I realize it is a moot point. Brian will need to get a new mattress anyway. The poor man. Me dead and him shopping for a new mattress.

I wake him up to let him know that I might have the hanta virus. Brian laughs. He assures me that I do not have the hanta virus.

When Brian goes out to clean it up, the mouse is gone. We cannot find it.
I leave the house a few hours later, the mouse is back, still dead, still looking like it is reaching out towards me, like if it wasn’t dead, it might break into song.

What am I supposed to learn from this?
How did this happen?
A cat adoption 8 years ago?
A lack of shoes?
Is this a sign from the universe?
The packaging is cryptic.

Singing the Body Electric

Noon, yesterday.
I am stressed. Utterly stressed. Up to my elbows in work.
Had a really bad Monday.
I go to a local soak and sauna.
I fail to notice the clothing optional signs (which I later realize are everywhere).
I change into my swimsuit.
I smile politely at the only other person in the soaking tub. He looks like Walt Whitman.

Walt Whitman

I take some deep breaths and settle into the hot water. Just as I relax, Walt stands up and climbs out of the tub.

He’s naked and completely comfortable with his nudity. It’s cold. So, it’s safe to assume that his genitalia are huddling up into his body.

It is not safe to assume anything. They are not huddling.

I close my eyes, in that respectful space of I understand that you enjoy being nude and I don’t begrudge this robust celebration of your body. However, my current state of being requires an inward speculation. Carry On.

I expect to hear “I sing the body electric”.

Time passes. Surely he has left by now. I open my eyes.

He is still there, drying off his hair and beard with precision and care.

I close my eyes.

I expect to hear “Oh captain, my captain”.

Time passes. Surely he is gone by now. I open my eyes.

He has turned so I now just see his backside. He decides to dry his legs.

What am I learning from this? How did I get here?

Toast is more likely to fall butter-side down,

unless you are too poor for butter. If you are too poor for butter, you have the luxury of your toast falling any which way you want it to.

The world is fluxy, full of randomness.
The world is conspiring in your favor.
Everything happens for a reason.
Everything is a gift.
Nothing is a gift.
Everything a lesson.
Everything important.
Nothing.

The point is everything.
The point is moot.

Your toast has fallen.
It has not fallen.
You wish it was toast.
You can’t believe it’s not butter.

Our universe is run by Schroedinger’s Cat. Things are vitally important and entirely irrelevant at the same time.

I Want To Tell You Something

People have the idea that the more you search for answers and work on yourself and embrace your spirituality and develop/evolve/move forward, the more you’ll be happy, and the easier life will seem.

This idea is cruel. It’s ridiculous.

The idea might be true and maybe we just haven’t done it long enough to prove it.

This is a plateau idea. There is a certain state of arrested development where how you live is making your life hard. And then you can work and change to the point where how you live makes your life less hard.

And then the universe says Hey, she’s ready to play. Put her in coach.

And stuff happens. And some of it is really quite difficult. And some of it is lovely.

When you choose to evolve, you feel more. You think more. You sleep deeper. Crazy things happen. Life gets weirder. You are both more aware of and less sure of the mechanics of this universe.

You stop being afraid. And then you start, again, in different ways.

Your existential crises are rare, but the abyss runs that much deeper.

I am happier in my evolutionary ways, and sometimes I think that I have many answers. I have not stopped having problems, but they are more likely to be the problems I want to have.

So far.

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
― Pema Chödrön

What is the gift of this? What am I learning?


It’s Here! Shop the Bridge is Open!

Posted on November 1, 2011 in Headline, Shop I'd love to know your thoughts!

Our new store is HERE! YAY! Whoo-hoo! Confetti Cannons and Roller Coaster Arms!

Come Check Us OUT.

We have t-shirts, letterpress cards, and lots of lovely jewelry. Everything is limited edition and exclusive to Shop the Bridge. Many items are One of a Kind!


Eric Klein Teaches Us How to Un-Habituate

Posted on October 21, 2011 in Get Right with Your Business, Guests, Life-Shifting I'd love to know your thoughts!

Eric Klein is a super guy. If you were going to go find his books at the bookstore (and I’d recommend that), you’d find him in the Workplace Zen section.

He’s just released a free book called 50 ways to Leave Your Karma.This is one of my favorite chapters.

Un-habituate

When Devi and I first moved to San Diego, we lived in Ocean Beach, a neighborhood close to the ocean and the airport. I loved being close to the beach. But the roar and rumble of jets overhead tortured me . . . for about a month. Then I habituated. I didn’t just get used to the noise – I stopped noticing it. The noise didn’t register in my awareness. Through habituation, the roar had receded into the background.

It’s natural to habituate.

Habituation serves a function. It’s necessary in a noisy, information-glutted world to shut out the racket. There’s just too much input for your nervous system to absorb. So you dial down your awareness, habituate, and the din recedes into the background.

This allows you to function. To not be overwhelmed.  But you’re also not present, no longer in touch with what’s happening around you.

Habituation protects you and it blinds you.

Because whatever you habituate to hasn’t really gone away. It’s just moved into your psychological blind spot. It’s like those jets. After I habituated they were still roaring by. Their din was still pounding away at my nervous system. I just wasn’t aware of their effect.

When you habituate to a situation, you stop noticing the effects.

It’s still affecting you. It’s still there. You’re just not paying attention.

The longer a situation persists, the more likely it is that you’ll habituate to it. And do nothing to address it. Until you bring the situation into your awareness – it will continue to affect you and your life. But how can you become aware of what you’ve stopped noticing?

It’s tricky.

Let’s face it – habituation has its benefits. Turning off your awareness protects you. So before you make any changes, appreciate what the habituation has done for you. And with the very next breath, recognize that habituation confines you.

Here are 3 steps to overcome habituation:

Step 1. Go on a rant.

A very specific type of rant with a very defined goal. The goal of this rant is to bring into awareness those concerns, issues, conflicts, that you have ignored, given up hope about, and wish that someone would do something about.

To perform this rant successfully you cannot be polite. You can’t be indirect. You need to unload. Put your politically correct persona aside and give your rant free rein. Here are some unfinished sentences to get you started:

I can’t stand it when . . .

I am so tired of  . . .

Why can’t we . . .

I wish someone would do something about . . .

What drives me crazy around here is . . .

Step 2. Discover what you really care most about.

The rant brings up your raw material and releases a torrent of emotional energy. Don’t get swept away by the river of emotions. Breathe. You’re about to discover the creative impulse that’s below the surface of your emotional river.

Here’s how: realize that you wouldn’t rant about something you didn’t care deeply about. Your rant is actually an expression – emotional as it may be – of your deep caring. So turn your attention towards that caring. Shift your attention from the drama of emotions to the depths of caring. Become aware of what really matters to you, what you really want and care most about. Complete these sentences:

What matters most to me in this situation is . . .

What I care about is . . .

What I really want is . . .

What I am deeply committed to is . . .

Step 3. Determine a small, immediate action.

Now that you know what you care most about – take action. Do something small that allows you to demonstrate your care and commitment. Something you can do that:

Reflects what you care most about

Is relatively easy to start

Will engage others commitment

Don’t take massive action or try to resolve the situation with a single move. This three-step process is not designed to finish the job. Just focus on breaking yourself out of habituation – so that you can be more present to the reality of your experience. Once you’ve broken the spell of habituation, the next move will become clear.

Is that the sound of a jet I hear?


How to love your life.

Posted on October 17, 2011 in Finds, Get Right with Your Business, Headline, Life-Shifting 6 Wise Words from Readers

You are not a failure if your life is sucking right now. And you are not doing everything right if your life is fabulous right now.

You are just somewhere on your bar code.

Life is like a bar code. It is a progression of dark and light. You bought it, so you’d better love it.

So how do you love it no matter where you are on your bar code?

How do you love your life if it gave you lemons and then said we’re all out of sugar and water so you’d better just suck it?

Or if it gave you somewhat ripe oranges and you’re still disappointed because you wanted a mango smoothie, even though right next to you somebody got the lemons and someone else is holding a burlap bag of fertilizer with flies buzzing around it.

Or if it just gave you fruit analogies and no actual fruit.

How do you get there? I have six tips for you.

How to Love Your Life

1. Stop measuring and comparing.

Stop imagining that there is a limit to your suffering or your joy. There isn’t.

Metrics don’t help. I don’t care what they are. Metrics are the past.  Past metrics are only marginally useful.

Worse things have happened to better people.

Better things have happened to worse people.

Unless you are directly causing your pain by being a total dumb-ass, unless you are in dire need of an if/then statement, your metrics don’t matter.

How do you know if your metrics don’t matter? If you’re measuring things right now, they don’t matter.

2. Stop telling yourself stories about your suffering.

Like this one: For every good moment, you pay with a bad one.

Or this one: If I let go and trust in the goodness of this moment, a big shoe is going to drop and I am going to regret it.

Or this one: I deserve this.

Or this one: I don’t deserve this.

Those are stories.  There is no discernable truth in your stories. Your life is buried under the things you tell yourself. Stop telling yourself things and let your life dig itself out.

One way to stop telling yourself things is to write down all the things that you tell yourself. Paper is like ipecac syrup. It gets the yuck out.

3. Feel your pain.

Yep. Feel it. FEEEL It. FEEEEEEEEEEEEL it. Take a deep breath. Let that feeling out. Your feelings aren’t farts and you’re not in church.

The nature of feelings is that they are meant to be felt (ding!).

Need a free guidance recording to do that? Here you Go: Working with Fear (This totally works with other feelings too).

4. Wash your face, really good, with hot water. Then look at yourself in the mirror.

Every pore of you is open right now. And gorgeous.  I mean wow.

And hey, you have hot water? I do too! Damn! If Elizabeth the 1st and Shakespeare could see us now.

5. Practice saying I don’t know.

Definitive answers are dust in the wind.

They’re milk.

They’re library books. Definitive answers need renewing.

Ambiguity is a sweet wave to ride.

Not knowing is how we all are. All the time. About freaking everything.

Embrace that.Yes I know how scary that is.

I like having the answers too.

A lot.

In fact I love it.

I’m addicted to answers. I need a 12-step program. You probably do too.

Get addicted to questions. They have a longer shelf life.  And nobody cuts them with wishful thinking and sunshine up the petticoat.

6. Try stuff.

Hey, what’s that? Try it.

Wondering about whether you can remove a tablecloth without removing the place settings on top of it?  Try it.

Feel like hitting something? Go to a batting cage.

Go to the mall. Run into Nordstroms and play chopsticks on the piano.

Take a dance class.

Last year, I tried belly dancing. I was taught by a lady with a little girl voice. I have the rhythm of a drunk rhino. It was awesome.

I’ve also tried archery and horseback riding and making dim sum.

Try stuff without measuring. This opens the experience door.

On the other side of the experience door, you just experience stuff without measuring or judging or trying, and that place is so pleasureful, you might just never leave.

Hey, that’s where I am. Hey welcome.  Hey let’s try stuff!

Don’t try hard. Just try stuff.

No matter the BS that is in your life…

You got good going on too. You can’t love your life, really, unless you love all of it.

You gotta love the whole bar code.

Loving it means experiencing it without measuring it. It means taking time to try things and to not know.

It means washing your face and looking in the mirror and feeling things.

Love it. LOVE IT. love it. LOVE IT.

This did not fit on a button, and I have too many clients to make you buttons today. I highly recommend that you Pinterest this baby, if you do, indeed Pinterest. (and follow me and tell me if you’re on pinterest, because I’m gaga for Pinterest).


What is the Sound of Girl Effect?

Posted on October 4, 2011 in Featured 1 Comment

Okay, unless you are under a rock, you’ve heard of Girl Effect, a worldwide campaign to put opportunity into the hands of girls in developing countries.

What’s the sound of girl effect?

Is it the sound of women in a woman-owned beauty parlor in Africa?

Is it the sound of girls answering questions at a school?

Is it the sound of money clinking into the hand of a woman who earned it herself?

Are they the sounds of women planning their own businesses?

Is it the sound of countries really developing, coming up out of hardship and into prosperity?

Yep. Girl Effect happens one person at a time. And one sound at a time. It happens one dollar at a time.

Give, Write, Read and Listen

Give: to a non-profit associated with girl effect. Or give to a local charity that helps girls.
And write about your experiences around girl effect, your thoughts about women worldwide, your thoughts about the potential in every girl.

Write: You can add your blog post here at Tara Mohr’s site: Girl Effect Posts

Read: While you’re there, check out the posts of other folks.

Listen: In honor of girl effect, I’ve made a playlist on spotify with some of my favorite motivational songs. Hope it encourages you to make your own sounds!

You can check it out here: Spotify Girl Effect Playlist

Here’s the list:

Everything’s Okay- Lenka
Object of my Affection- Shawn Colvin
Beautiful Day- U2
It’s My Life- Bon Jovi
The Middle- Jimmy Eat World
You Get What You Give- New radicals
The World’s Not Falling Apart- Dar Williams
Proud- Heather Small
Wonder- Natalie Merchant
Life is Sweet- Natalie Merchant
Not Ready to Make Nice- Dixie Chicks
I Hope- Dixie Chicks
Let the Rain- Sara Barailles
Don’t Hold me Back- Alex Cornish
The Sound of Sunshine- Michael Franti and Spearhead
I know I’m Not alone- Michael Franti

Hope it motivates you, in all your endeavors (including giving to Girl Effect).
Have a great day!


Post entry 1

Posted on September 28, 2011 in Shortcode I'd love to know your thoughts!

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Post entry 2

Posted on September 28, 2011 in Shortcode I'd love to know your thoughts!

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