Blog

Future me is wearing a bikini bottom, a baseball cap, lots of sunscreen and not much else. She’s writing on a laptop in the cockpit, letting the auto-pilot direct the boat towards French Polynesia.

 

Future Brian is down in the galley, making poke with a fish he’s caught.

It’s been 10 days since they’ve seen land. And that’s freaking fabulous. Life consists of naps, reading, writing and food, and entertaining the dog.

Or, future me is sitting with a stack of bills, trying to figure out how to pay off Christmas from six months ago. She can’t remember how she dropped $800 at Macy’s. And the dog has taken a fresh bite out of the couch that she’s nowhere near paying off.  Brian is out in the driveway of their dilapidated house, smoking a cigarette. She sighs, and says I can’t have nice things.

Which future me has benefited from present me’s love? and which future me has been left to pick up the pieces?

How do you feel about Past Yous?

Present me would like to go back to the Bridget from 10 years ago and have a serious Come-to-Jesus meeting. 10-years-ago Bridget raided the 401k account!

And then, she’d like to go back another 10 years and talk young Bridget into using her student loans for college instead of to finance a restaurant next to a strip club.

But she knows that those girls were doomed. They didn’t have the answer that she has now. The answer to financial freedom and success is your ability to love yourself.

(Okay…there are a lot of people who love themselves these days, who are facing financial ruin due to a bum economy and health care problems. They are bearing the brunt of other folks who made unloving decisions for everybody. It’s a cumulative effect).

Your Ability to Love Yourself

Your ability to love yourself, in the moment, day by day and week by week, makes the difference between whether you’re going to be sitting at a table with a pile of bills or sitting on a boat.

It’s really that simple.

The concept is simple. It could fit on a t-shirt. But the understanding of consistent love is not simple at all.

The Zen Sensei that you were in your babyhood, she had consistent love down. The modern you, probably not so much.

10-years-ago Bridget thought it was super-loving to raid the 401k. What choice did she have? Otherwise, she’d have to re-home the dog, sell the house and get an apartment.

She couldn’t re-home the dog. She also, apparently, could not figure out how to budget (which was ironic, considering the financial decisions she had to make at work).

20-years-ago Bridget had a dream! She had to invest future Bridget’s money. She couldn’t work at somebody else’s restaurant. She had to have her own. And she couldn’t bother to incorporate with her restaurant partners. They were all friends, right? So, one guy embezzled all the money, and the other four lost out. No paper trail. The money was just gone.

You know what those Bridgets were feeling? The anxiety and depression of a white-knuckled ride through life.

10-years-ago Bridget had just left an abusive relationship. 20-years-ago Bridget was a single mom to a 1 year old and so depressed that she didn’t eat. She got down to a size 2.

We can come up with every justification in the book, but the reason for past Bridget’s financial ruin is that the past Bridget didn’t love herself. She didn’t remember how. Or maybe she didn’t know.

Life felt like one damn thing after another. To get by, emotionally, she needed to take some financial short-cuts. Future Bridget would understand.

I Know What Happened, Past Bridget

You didn’t think you had another choice. You had other choices. You (nearly) always have another choice.

And although the voice within you still said, You’re terrific, the other voices said, You’d better not screw this up! And you made choices based on fear instead of love. You made running away choices instead of running to choices.

You thought the Future You would be smarter. She’d figure it out. She’d understand.

And you know what?

You’re right. She is smarter. She is figuring things out. She does understand.

Love is a Habit

So is fear. The next time a bill comes in, don’t put it in a drawer.

Try this instead: Say, I love future me enough to pay this right now.

I love future me enough to figure out if this is the best rate for cable. I love future me enough to drop cable and pick up a book.

I love future me enough to know what she needs today and to give her that, even if what she needs is an afternoon off, a cinnamon chai and a ball of yarn.

I love future me enough to pay attention to how she’s feeling and to address those feelings head-on, instead of through the side-door of emotional spending.

I love future me enough to stop kicking current me’s ass, and instead buy folders.

I love future me enough to be honest about the state of my money.

I love future me enough to bravely budget.

I love future me enough to ask for help.

I love future me enough to invest.

I love future me enough to remember I have choices.

I love future me right now. And now. And now.

And I see her waving from the boat, waving thank you and giving me a thumb’s up.

But what would you say? How would you finish, I Love Future Me ?

Tomorrow, we’re going to discuss how good money habits are formed.

Tonight, write a letter to future you, and tell her how you have the power to make good decisions now.

No apologies are necessary.

No promises either.

Just a discovery and acceptance of your power. That’s all you need.

I’ll start it for you….